Thursday, November 19, 2009

How not to be a jerk during your next fight

"I can sum up in three "acts" the breakdowns and breakups of most relationships since the beginning of time:

Act 1: You hurt me.
Act 2: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you.
Act 3: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you and so you hurt me again and so I hurt you -- and downward spiraling we shall go.
John Gottman, the famed founder of The Love Lab (a family research laboratory where where couples are studied), says he can consistently predict how long a relationship will last, not based on how well a couple gets along, but by how well a couple doesn't get along.

A relationship is only as strong as how well the two can deal with their weakest moments and how well they handle conflict."

Read the full story at CNN By Karen Salmansohn from

Simple ways to not be a idiot during your next fight:
1. Pick the right time and the right place, in private.
2. Avoid harsh start-ups such as starting out blaming or calling your partner bad names.
3. Always be virtuous. Don't be cold, pridefull, angry or become hysterica.
4. Instead of trying to win arguments, try to have a winning relationship!
5. Put in the "virtue of discipline" to calm yourself before you begin talking. Be calm and reasonable and your mate will be too.
6. Close a difficult conversation by sharing memories of good times and/or your partner's good qualities. You can catch more Bees with honey than with vinegar. A few kind words can go a long way.

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