Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Narcissism Often Prods A Cheating Heart

"What motivates cheaters? What are they thinking? How can smart people do such stupid things? With John Edward's recent confession of infidelity, these questions are all over the news. Oprah is even doing a show on why men cheat.

Most people believe that when partners cheat, it's a symptom of a bad relationship. They ask, "What was he or she not getting at home?" You can even find experts urging scorned women to snap men out of their doldrums by surprising them with something sexy . . . to be more "kittenish" so their tomcats are less likely to prowl. What a bunch of sexist hooey!

I'm not saying that adding some spice to your usual routine isn't a reasonable antidote for sexual boredom. But it won't keep a cheater from being unfaithful if the motivation for the infidelity is a fundamentally flawed self-esteem accompanied by an insatiable thirst for attention, novelty or excitement. Narcissistic entitlement, devoid of empathy, is often at the heart of infidelity. The narcissist seductively idealizes the new love interest while denigrating what they have at home.

So what are cheaters thinking?" The answer is - they're probably not. The truth is that we don't usually cheat because of something missing in our partner; we cheat because of something missing within ourselves.

But regardless of the motivation, there is no justification for an affair."

Read the full story by Dr. Sandra Scantling at courant.com

No comments: